I looked at him and didn’t hold back. I said, “It’s not what you think. Even an ordinary friend, when he sees someone exactly like him in life, he can’t help but go up to him and find out what he’s like, not to mention that I owe him my life.”
He got up and leaned closer to me, his cold breath wrapping around me, his voice low and oppressive, “What was I thinking? You know?”
I pursed my lips and subconsciously stepped back, but behind me was a cold wall, and I couldn’t retreat.
“Fu Shen Yan, are you angry because I can’t let him go, or do you think I shouldn’t get emotional over a dead man?”
He sneered, “What do you think?”
I pursed my lips, knowing in my heart that he was extremely possessive and overbearing, and after a pause I said, “Whichever you are, but Gu Han is dead, isn’t he?”
“And if he’s not dead?” He spoke, the ink in his eyes extremely heavy, “If he were alive, would you still have to repay him for saving your life with your body?”
I twisted my eyebrows, feeling that he was being too serious, and suppressed my emotions, “There is no if!”
As far as I was concerned, Gu Han was gone, and all that remained was guilt and regret.
Fu Shenyan was so emotional because he couldn’t accept that my regret for Gu Han would grow little by little with time.
He looked at me, a pair of black eyes as deep as the deep sea, for a long time, he pulled his somewhat dry lips, his slender and tall body sat back in the chair.
He said indifferently and coldly, “Go out!”
The black coat made him even colder and colder, and his black eyes, which rarely showed emotion, were thin and cold.
I opened my mouth to say something, but in the end, not a word came out.
I don’t know why you would be so angry with me over someone who is no longer in this world, but if you think I’m that flaky in your eyes, then we can divorce. I won’t blame you, and I won’t blame you.”
There are some things, if you can’t hold on to them, just let them go, it’s either life or death.
I’d rather accept life than death, and at least live.
The man’s eyes flashed with a cold, cold light, his black eyes glowing with cold, eerie anger, and with a raised hand he swept the computer on the table as well as the miscellaneous items to the floor, smashing them to pieces.
“Divorce?” His thin lips curved into a ridiculous arc, “Shen Shu, what is this marriage to you? A deal? A momentary pleasure? How many times have you repeated the word “divorce” in your mind to become so skilled? Hmm?”
I stepped back subconsciously when I met his cold gaze, and my heart ached vaguely, “You wrote the divorce papers, and you’ve been hinting at me about the divorce, no matter what, you can’t let go of the responsibility of Lu Xinran, and I have guilt towards Gu Han, so let’s separate, and let’s ….. each other! It’s all good!”
I don’t know why I become so calm at times like this, and can even speak so calmly about these entanglements that are weighing on my heart so clearly.
Maybe it’s something I’ve kept buried in my heart for so many years, or maybe it’s the feeling that since that’s the case, just separating would be.
We both know very well the helplessness and the stigma in each other’s hearts, and no matter what, there is no way to understand each other, so it is the best choice to separate.
“All good?” His dark eyes held a fine chill, laced with a cold chill, and he hooked his lips sarcastically, “It’s you who’s fine, isn’t it? The person you thought had been parted forever, suddenly saw again in a sea of people, your heart that had planned to settle for was stirring again, what you buried in your heart was not guilt, but regret, and now that you see him, you are moved.”
He laughed coldly, “My duty to Lu Xinran? Laughable, while I was trying to give you security, Shen Shu, good for you, was thinking about how to get rid of me.”
I did not retort to his sharp and mean words, no matter which one he was talking about, as far as I was concerned, it was useless for me to say it now.
I looked at him indifferently, and I was extraordinarily calm compared to his anger, “Fu Shen Yan, let’s behave ourselves!”
I don’t want to argue, I don’t even know how to argue with him, I have no way to tell whether I am wrong or he is counting in this relationship.
My grandmother said that if two people love each other, they can let go of whatever problems they may have, but maybe we don’t love each other enough to let go.
I turned to leave, but was pulled by him and enveloped in his arms. He pressed me against the table and kissed me down in a somewhat deflating manner.
His strength and dominance made me resist from the bottom of my heart, and I twisted my head to avoid his attack and raised my hands to try to push him away.
But there is a difference in strength between men and women, and the little strength I had was like a mosquito to him, and he clasped one hand around my waist with such force that it hurt me a little.
His free hand controlled my head, forcing me to meet his kiss.
I was so uncomfortable that I raised my hand to push him away and was bitten by his strong bite extremely painful.
“Fu Shen Yan, let go, I don’t want to!”
He sneered, “We are husband and wife, what is wrong with performing the rites of matrimony? What, you don’t want to be with me because you want to be with Gu Han? A dead man is worthy of your thoughts, what do you miss about him?”
“Slap!” I barely thought about the slap, the disgust and pain inside me mingling.
He jerked to a halt, a face like the wind swirling before a rainstorm pours down, a powerful chill forcing me to shiver.
I had expected him to hit me, or to push me to the ground in anger, but neither was there.
He lifted his hand, pinched my jaw, bit me hard on the lips with unparalleled rudeness, and then went on an almost frantic rampage over me.
I snarled, “Fu Shen Yan, I don’t want it, and I don’t want it any more, so let go of me!”
He laughed coldly, “When did you ever want to? When did you ever want to? Hmm?”
My mind went blank, almost short-circuiting as a wave of pain shot through my body.
I didn’t resist, and I couldn’t resist myself.
Over and over again, my mind wondered why we had to end up like this, because we didn’t love each other? Is it because we don’t love each other? Is it because we can just trample on each other?
When I looked at him, his dark eyes were a bottomless abyss, and all I could see was endless darkness.
It was so bleak and ridiculous.
I couldn’t help but smile, looking at him with a faint sneer on the corner of my mouth.
He looked at me, his eyes deepened and he lowered his head to kiss me, “Call me!”
I pursed my lips and tilted my head to the side, closing my eyes and not looking at him anymore.
His thin, cool lips hovered over my ear, his voice softening a little, “Shen Shu, call me!”
I didn’t say anything, all I could think about was how to escape, that I deserved him waiting for me to tell him myself that I cared for him, that I loved him, that I wanted him.
But I couldn’t say it, there was so much I had buried in my heart over the years, his patronising and bottomless care for Lu Xinran over and over again, his hurting me over and over again.
All these I have pressed into my heart, and with time, these things began to take root and multiply, growing stronger and stronger.
Love where so great, selective hugeness of the human circle, anyone can settle for anything, anyone can fit.
“Fu Shen Yan, let’s divorce!” These words, I didn’t get impulsive, I didn’t get angry, I said them sensibly.