Fu Shen Yan placed me on a lounge chair, Gu Han was already surrounded by people, blood spreading out in large swathes.
I looked at him, he opened his mouth towards me, his mouth was moving, I didn’t know what he was saying, I just felt my heart aching to the point of suffocation.
Fu Shen Yan walked over to him, reached out to test his breathing, and looked at me with a stony face.
I got up and forced what strength I had left to walk towards him. Gu Han raised his hand, tugging me back, and when he opened his mouth, a stream of dark blood spat out of his mouth.
I shook my head, tears blurring my vision, “Gu Han, don’t say anything, you’ll be fine, the doctor will be here soon.”
He pulled a smile with difficulty, somewhat tragically white, “Shen Shu, all this, it’s over, in the next life, it’s my turn to meet you first, your turn to …… fall in love with me first.”
I don’t know how to speak, just my heart is blocked unbearably, the whole head buzzes, open mouth choked, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be so selfish, I’m sorry, it’s my fault, I shouldn’t ……”
I shouldn’t have disregarded his parents who lost their anger at the same time, and disregarded his feelings, and deliberately distanced myself from him, and disregarded his emotions, and ignored his only belief in living, I was wrong.
He pulled a wiped smile as more and more blood flowed from the corner of his mouth, “It’s okay, I know it’s hard for you, be …… alive!”
Watching him close his eyes bit by bit, this was the first time I had experienced someone’s death, I don’t remember, over and over again, watching those who loved me the people I loved pa*s me by one by one.
I was the one who directly and indirectly caused them to leave me, D*mn it, the one who should be hurt, the one who should be punished, it was obviously me, why did it end up being someone else.
I looked at Gu Han’s lifeless body, at Fu Shen Yan’s cold face, at Fu Qingyin’s disdainful grimness not far away, and at the pa*sersby who were talking around and staying out of the way.
I have never felt that the world could be so indifferent, and my heart felt like it had been stabbed with hundreds of sharp knives, hurting me so much that I could not even breathe.
How can people die so quickly and deliberately? I hadn’t even had time to think about the last words he left behind, to remember what had happened before this, and how he was gone?
As I watched the paramedics carry Gu Han’s body away, I suddenly pushed Fu Shen Yan away and yanked Gu Han’s hand to death, not letting them take him away, but Fu Shen Yan was extremely strong and he encircled me in his arms, his voice cold and suppressed, “Shen Shu, calm down, he’s already dead.”
I stared at the puddle of blood left on the ground, and suddenly a great hatred arose in my heart, looking at Fu Qingyin, who was terrified, and said, word by word, “Fu Qingyin, it was you who deserved to die, wasn’t it?”
She stepped back in fear, her face pale, and looked at me incredulously, “Shen Shu, what are you saying?”
“The one who deserved to die was you, wasn’t it? Why is it that you are the one who lives? It was you who killed Xu Hui with a single word, it was you who killed Gu Han with the lives of Gu Hengyang and Xu Hui, it was all you, from the beginning to the end, you are the murderer, you are the one who deserves to die the most.”
“Shen Shu, what nonsense are you talking about?” Fu Qingyin’s eyes widened, looking at me incredulously, saying word for word, “You’re crazy, you’re crazy!”
I looked at her sarcastically, thinking that this woman was ridiculous, “You personally sent the Gu family away, three lives, aren’t you afraid of retribution? It was you who forced them to die alive!”
“It’s not me!” Fu Qingyin roared, “Shen Shu, for the sake of you being Shen Yan’s wife, I won’t bother with you, you’d better not make up your mind, otherwise I have the right to sue you for slander and false accusation.”
I sneered, “Fine, go ahead and sue, as long as you can sleep in peace in the middle of the night, in the dead of night, without being condemned by your conscience, and can release the lives of three members of the Gu family in peace, then go ahead and sue!”
Fu Qingyin was so angry that her heart was heaving, looking at me for half a day unable to say a word, and finally looked at me and sneered out, “Shen Shu, what are you so sad about when Gu Han died? Did you fall in love with him? Did your heart ache? Can’t let go? You don’t forget whose wife you are, what should you say and what shouldn’t you say?”
It’s really quite ridiculous when people are shameless to a certain point.
The dark sky was snowing heavily, and the goose feather snow fell on the ground in the stinging blood, and it didn’t take long to cover it up, and all that could be seen vaguely was a bit of scarlet, as if it all seemed to be just an illusion.
After Fu Shen Yan brought me back to the villa, he never spoke, and I didn’t have the ** to speak either, my heart was heavy with the puddle of blood left by Gu Han.
If I could have noticed the change in him earlier, if I had known that he had lost his faith in life, if I could have ignored the gossip and Fu Shen Yan’s jealousy and stayed with him through this period, would he not have come to this point in the end?
It’s me, blame me for being selfish, blame me for having too many scruples, blame me!
The night was already dark, the snow was falling heavier and heavier outside, and the image of the moment when Gu Han closed his eyes was repeated over and over in my head.
I was so irritable that I went downstairs and out into the courtyard, taking advantage of the prevailing winter chill to chase away much of the irritation and pain in my heart.
The more I tried to erase it, the more all those good things that Gu Han had done for me came flooding back.
Aunt Quan came out with an umbrella and saw that I was already half buried in the snow and said distressingly, “Madam, you should go back, it’s very easy to get frostbite in this cold weather.”
I looked at her in a bit of a daze, unaccountably pulled out a molded smile, looked at her and shook my head, and said in a jarred voice, “Aunt Quan, people are so tired of living!”
She froze and draped the cotton coat she had brought out over me, reaching out to pull me along and saying, “Child, don’t talk nonsense!”
When she touched my cold hands, she exclaimed, “Your hands are so cold, go back, you’ll get frostbite.”
I didn’t move, I just thought I would feel better in such harsh conditions, Aunt Quan pulled me several times, she was already too old to take me, so she had to speak, “Don’t fall asleep, I’ll go and call the gentleman, you’re killing yourself child!”
Fu Shen Yan went into his study after bringing me back, probably because he heard Aunt Quan’s voice before he came downstairs.
He pursed his lips and strutted out of the villa, seeing me mute in the snow, he couldn’t help the cold air rising and looked to Aunt Quan, “What’s going on?”
Aunt Quan shook her head and sighed, “Madam she seems a bit off.”
I raised my eyes and looked at Fu Shen Yan, who was dressed in black and felt extraordinarily strange, and shook my head lightly, “It’s nothing!”